Something is different

Last year felt like a dream at the lowest of times

We created sunshine through the hardships

The clouds somehow felt lighter when we would connect

Life felt like pins and needles but our time together became fluffy as cotton candy

It was a fantasy, the ecstasy became something i craved deeply

It was beautifully crafted. “There’s beauty in the struggle” – J cole

Things were rough but we created a paradise, now things are tough and it seems like only i care

My Havana is saturated with pain and hate

I want you there but it doesn’t feel the same

I want to connect but we dont speak the same language

When i create our space it feels as if I’m just the master as you play my dungeon

The need for communication is so clearly there but the words are squeezing the air from thee

This year has been challenging but i want the time to be myself as well as be with you

I continue growing without the need for validation, i wish you could see my improvement

But you only see what i can bring to you in the moment

You trust that I’ll make a full circle but i want you there to be part of the process

Why do you chose to only look at the product

I’ll never chase perfection, I can’t

I’ll lose my individualism, can’t you see?

For example there’re 52 cards in a deck, 13 different types with 4 suits

Each plays a part of the game but they all have different options wither they are beneficial to the situation or they’re overkill

Sometimes i want to lead to develop my skills and sometimes i want to be the passenger and smile at the bystanders

Whatever i chose should be respected but regardless I’m happy about the decision I’ve cultivated

When i give you the lead i trust you’ll make the best decision for both of us not just to make the situation better for yourself

You’re supposed to my partner in this game of spades but you chose to tell my hand to our opponents

We need to reform our plan so we’re on the same page because I’ll always have a joker up each sleeve

Playing this hand will end the game and i won’t forfeit to make things run smoothly

I would die for you but i won’t sacrifice my life to be without you